transferred to tumblr for now.. www.prettygirlspoop.tumblr.com because i can update on there from my phone. you cant comment for now but ms. carmen will fix it for me so you can comment soon...meet me there : )

Sister/Sister !!

Last night I was reading a blog that suggested that the reason Solange might be so protective and defensive of her sister is because she helps her financially. It pissed me off! No, not because of my obsession with Solange but because the same thing happens with me and my sisters. My initial thought was, Solange has her own money. Must we forget that SHE often wrote for Destiny's Child? So truthfully, she helped her sister reach her status. Not to mention she was also a dancer for Destiny's Child, done her share of acting and modeling, writes all her songs, performs often and has her own line of baby toys. Just because her album didn't sell millions doesn't mean she isn't successful or needs any financial assistance. If she wasn't Beyonce's sister no one would even think to compare the two. They have two completely different styles of artistry.

Why is it necessary to compare? I have two sisters and I always hear people talking bout which of us is prettier. One day my little sister was sitting on the stairs outside our house talking to a guy. He saw me in the kitchen and asked was I her sister, when she said yes he replied "oh..she looks better than you". Why can't anyone be beautiful in their own right? Why does someone always have to be BETTER?! I never even understood how people could say "who looks better?" about 2 people. Everyone looks so different that I don't see how you can compare 1 person to the next. Yes we all are flawed and imperfect but like I said..why can't someone just be beautiful? Why does it have to be "you're pretty..but not AS pretty as soandso". The same goes for success..why can't someone be successful in their own right? Why must it be compared to the next persons level of success? Everyone has different dreams and journeys and their OWN idea of success.

Growing up with my sisters and people constantly comparing us has created a sense of competition. At times its hard to be happy for someone you're so closed to when you know some idiot is about to come compare you to them. I feel like every thing I do is being watched. Is it better than what my sister did? Is it just as good?

I love my sisters. I believe they're both beautiful beyond words. I just wished society would allow siblings to shine together instead of always feeling the need to dim one of their lights.

"Let my star light shine on its own. No, I'm no sister. I'm just my God given name" -- Solange Knowles.
--Ashley Renè

Pretty girls poop

I don't know why it never occured to me to use Alexis to my advantage! But hey -- it did today. Ima start emailing her my blogs and having her post em. Its crazy that I go to these lengths to blog! But in all honesty, not expressing myself has been killing me.

I feel like im hitting a turning point in my life, that will determine the type of person that I will be -- great timing too, seeing as how I just turned 21. I never felt like I got the opportunity to grow up, and mature. Im stuck at 17, in my mind. I know I have an old soul and im wise beyond my years but my growth got stunted by parenthood and the line between teen and adult was blurred beyond repair. I told Carmen the other day that 2006-2009 all run together for me, like its 1 long ass year. But im growing up. Im getting there.

My heart is yearning for freedom, independence, and peace. My mind is aching for relaxation, a vacation of the mind, a release of worries. My soul is begging to live. I feel like im having an outer body experience, like the person I am inside, and the person I will be soon is staring at the person I am today yelling at her to live her life, be free, live for me. And that's the decision I've decided to make. To live for me, no one else. Do what makes ME happy. Ignore the negativity that erupts from the mouths of those too timid to love themselves and set their own hearts free. I will only get this life once and there is no right way to live it except true to myself.

I've been really inspired lately. Negativity is feeding my creativity and MJ's death is making me shameful for not letting my light shine bright enough for everyone to flock to and hover in my glow. I spend a lot of time contemplating how to be successful on everyone elses terms. How to make everyone else proud of me. But what if I stopped thinking of security and threw myself and my dreams into the wind? Using all of my talents to the fullest extent of my abilities and finding true happiness in things that I love? Well that would be success of the richest form. Richer than apple pie a la mode on a summer night.

"Never sacrafice your dreams for security" -- Trey Songz posted something like that (or the same thing) on his twitter, that shit spoke to me.

Peace.

So I was gonna update cuz my sister is letting me use her phone and my phone won't let me update anymore! But I don't have shit to say sooo...

Add my twitter twitter.com/ashcrackkk

And heyyy to all my new followers! Ill do a real update soon.

I need some me time. I feel myself yearning for something, anything to look forward to and that type of desire leads only to destruction. Keeping focused on my goals is becoming seemingly impossible with that voice in my head telling to me give up. I need to reevaluate some shit in my mind and get on track.

I realized that I love to see myself hurt. I love to punish myself. Since I was young I've always pushed away the nice guy who adored me to chase after the asshole who couldn't see past the crowd of a million girls fighting for his attention to look my way. I know its a mental game. I wanna take someone that acts like he doesn't care bout me 1 way or another and make him love me...and then leave him. Maybe I should stop blaming people for hurting me and look at what I put into the universe. I hurt people. I purposely go out my way to "bully" men that I think are too nice. I get what I give.

Karmas a biiiiitch. lol

We're all imperfect. Perfection comes from acknowledging your imperfections and making the effort to mend them. I will never be flawless. But I am a work in progress.

& some of you really great people with really huge hearts, love me anyway..

& for that.....ily too. : )